You're Playing With Fire

A comment dad made tonight hit me hard.

It was about people who don't take care of everything and end up screwed eventually...and he used me as an example of someone who basically screwed up her future.

It sucks, mainly because it's so true. Most of what's happened lately is completely my fault--the slacking off last year, the less than good SAT scores, the lack of community service, the minimal school club involvement...all things I could've worked on, but wasn't smart enough to, apparently.
And now I'll be lucky to go to a university at all. Dorms in the only one I might go to are scarce, and if I can't get into one, then I basically can't go to that school.

And my parents really want me to go to a community college, and I know the primary reason for this is because they don't think I'm ready to take on living on my own... I always said I'd go straight to a four-year school, and I used to have a good plan as to what I wanted to do...and it's embarrassing for even myself to accept that there's a very good chance that none of this'll be happening.
I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to admit to all those teachers that expect so much from me, to all the people who told me I couldn't go to a 4-year school out of high school...I don't want them to be right, but I let them be.
just...idk, pointless post. It just hit me tonight and it's freaking me out.