There is Comfort, Sweet Release

Hey blog. How's summer been for you? Hope it hasn't been as boring as mine.
Although, not all of it has been dreadfully boring.

Last week, my parents and I drove up to San Pablo, to visit the Hattlan Center, which they really want me to attend. I was reluctant at first, but after looking at it and talking to some people, I'm warming up to the idea. I hate (HATEHATEHATEHATE) the idea of not going straight to a state college, it. drives. me. insane., but honestly, I feel like this programschoolthingplace'll help me actually be able to like, survive and know how to get things done. I hate asking for help...that's probably what's most difficult about accepting this. And I hate feeling like I'm behind my peers in some way, I've always taken pride in doing just what they did, and showing as little struggle as possible, so it seemed like it was no harder for me than it was for them. And who knows if things have been harder for me, I'm not them, I don't know what they feel.
But, the Hattlan's nice. It's so...mainstream? I don't know, it doesn't advertise being a schoolcentertypething for the blind, it's stationed amidst a normal apartment complex, and there's no way to tell the difference from student apartments and just...everyone else's apartments. It's a sink-or-swim/no-pampering kind of program, and that's the best way to learn, if you ask me. You're only screwing yourself over if you don't learn to do this or that, so that's some good motivation if I should need it. It's not like STEP (which I started a year from yesterday; craaaaaazy), where more sight=more power or whatever, I appreciate that. It's not a super ghetto apartment complex iether, it's actually pretty nice, and the apartments aren't like, miniature ant homes or anything, they're good-sized.
It definitely doesn't hurt that about half the kids there play guitar, and that I met this one girl who's a huge Paramore/Tegan and Sara fan...who also plays guitar, and who made me an awesome Italian lunch when I visited. The people seem nice enough.

Dad and I went in like the sceptics we are, and were impressed. If something can manage to impress us both, then I've gotta believe it's good. Mom's...herself. Not wanting me to go, but she's not putting up a fight, which I am very thankful for. (She's just warning me about rapists 24-7, but...) Dad's not stoked about the idea iether, but he's said many times that I need this, so he's not going to refuse it right when he's finally got me on board.

The entire visit to NorCal was surprisingly fun. Granted, we got a flat tire and spent an hour on the side of a freeway in the middle of nowhere (literally, we had no idea where we were.) It was a little frightening to have huge trucks zoom by about 5 feet from us, but it's all in the adventure. My parents spotted the crazy chicken and casino before we found the apartments (naturally), so we went and ate, and found out Mexico won 2-0, which instantly put us in a better mood. We are damn proud people. We may or may not've been waving a Mexican flag on our car. (Don't judge.)

For the record, we told everyone we came across about our country's win...because I did inherret my total lack of subtlty from them. We spent a few hours touring the center, and I hung out with guitar chick for a while. We filled out forms and signed papers, and I got put on a waiting list, and we shook tons of people's hands, and then I threw on my Lakers hat and we went in search of a decent hotel that wasn't the Motel 6.

...forty-five minutes later, we found one, which was only about 15 minutes from Hattlan. (Directionally challenged family...) Mom had every intention of napping, but it was close to 6, and I think she soon realized that sleeping was gonna be hard to come by. Dad and I were so anxious and into the game it's embarrassing. Christina's National Anthom performance was beautiful(haters back up).

I was so exhausted, that I literally slept through the whole halftime, but awoke right before the game began again. I was certain we were gonna lose...until the 4th quarter, during which dad and I couldn't sit still. i'm willing to bet mom was thinking of the best way to subtly push us out of the 3rd story window. Eleven seconds left we were still on edge. Then Los Lakers won, and we headed out for pizza and stuff to celebrate. I was bummed we couldn't be in LA for our team's win, but this was alright too. The win kind of put the cherry on a really good day. Mom and I headed to Starbucks then back to our room for a night of George Lopez, while dad (after mom practically forced him) went to a casino for a little while, then joined us.

The next morning we watched the US game (by 'we' I mean dad and I, while mom kept saying she enjoyed it, even though she was only awake for about 5 minutes of the game...). We packed up and drove home.

It was all fairly simple, but it was nice to have a day with my parents, no arguing, no nothing, I was really happy.
So I guess I know what I'm doing come whenever I get into Hattlan, but all this extra time drives me crazy. I feel like I should be doing something useful. I mean, I babysit when I'm asked, but I want to do more...work. Something. Though I do like the ability to be spontaneous right now. I could just go anywhere anytime and not really have any responsibilities...when will I ever get a chance like that again?
Summer also brought concerts. Insaaaaaanely pumped for Saturday. :) Also excited to see Katelyn (SQUEEEEEE) Epperly right before my birthday...and the fact that I get to meet her isn't half bad iether. The fact that I get to meet this season's AI top 10 then go to their show in August is pretty sweet too. And the Tegan and Sara/Paramore show in Sept isn't all that bad iether. Oh, and apparently mom and I are going to Shakira...? Okie doke. I'm down with her.

Current obsessions: Vegichips. Seriously. They. are. amazing.
Slushies. It's summer. They are cold, and sweet, and magically delicious.
"Lullaby" by Didi Benami. I tried not to like her...and then she released a beautiful song like this. Damn you. It's not that the lyrics are so profound, but there's something about a couple of lines that just triggers something in me, makes me stop and listen. "One by one, they left you more shattered, than before..." (About trying different, harsh ways to deal with pain. About each of those self-harming trials hurting you more in the end.)
"You're his baby, Let him hold you."(About letting another person hold you--not just in the physical sense, but emotionally. Letting yourself fall into their arms, trusting that you're theirs. This line hit me especially hard...it's so hard for me to really believe someone. To actually not doubt someone. It's terrifying, actually. It's probably bad and pathetic that this line makes me tear up...annnnnd probably equally pathetic that i admit this.)

This is insanely long, so I will stop writing.
"There is hope
There is peace
There is comfort;
Sweet release."

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

I'm in love with Siobhan Magnus's studio version of "Across the Universe. in. friggin. love. New Kate and Amy songs always reach very high numbers of plays on iTunes very quickly...and it appears that this girl's songs have the same effect. But this song is just so purdyyyy.
Anyways, that was just a paragraph of me fangirling and squealing via words, in an effort to spare my cousin, who's sitting behind me on my bed, happily typing away on my green laptop, and probably wondering why I can't shut the hell up about that girl with the pretty rocker hair. And then there's the fact that any outbursts of giddiness would probably wake up my aunt, who's sleeping on a makeshift bed next to me on the ground, snoring away. We all know you snore, tia, accept it.

Spring break has progressed as expected. I've stayed up far too late doing nothing daily, and gotten up past noon on the daily. I've gotten no homework done thus far (chemistry and English say whaaaaat?), and I've gone out to random places on a daily basis. Despite the unplanned extended stay of the aunt and cousin, things have been good, and many laughs have been had.
Picking out moments that stand out every day helps me go to bed happy, and makes me feel like I actually accomplished something that day, no matter how untrue that statement may be.
Today it's a toss-up between coffee with the family, good midnight conversation, or this lovely rendition of "Across the Universe."
The only real downfall was my mom and her constant bad mood, but I've learned that avoiding her and keeping my mouth shut works wonders when not trying to get into screaming matches(aka, all the time). I just wish she'd learn to lighten up, take jokes, see past this little box of comfort she's locked herself in, understand that every person is different, and that that's okay...that people make their own decisions and that not everybody shares her ideas and morals, and that in not doing so, they are not immediately doomed to be life failures. But alas, we can't always get what we want. We're all different, what can you do but accept it?

...and looking back on those last sentences, I see my hypocritical side coming out full-blast.
In other news, it's April? What the hell? When did that happen?
And it's 3:00 AM? Well...okay then. Maybe I should go to bed.
...hahahaha right.