You've got a Piece of me, And Honestly...

Hi again. *waves*
So I'm currently watching one of these ghost shows...and trying to not listen, because I'm already freaking out. Kid ghosts are just...AHHH. I swear I just heard something behind me.

...you think i'm kidding but i'm not.

Anywho, today was alright. Went to lunch with Krys, came home, watched countless videos from the AI tour, then skyped with Arielle for a few...hours. I'm so sad she's leaving for so long. She's one of the people i've grown closest too, and I'll miss that cutie. Seriously, I think we're unbiological sisters. (She's the littler one, of course.)
I ate a fudgecicle (SP?) for the first time today, and probably the last. Way too chocolatey. I need to get my nails done. They are insanely chipped.
So, you know when there's someone you were into for a long time, and then you started to get over said person...and then idk, they kind of re-entered your life, around the same time that they were in your life the previous year, and you start to miss them and stuff? No, it's just me? Cool. Mkay. I don't know if it's just nostalgia, wanting things to be like they were a year ago, or if I'd even be able to let myself fall for said person again, or if they'd even be interested...ughh i de kay. (Falling Slowly just came on iTunes and I'm not sure what it's trying to tell me, but I do not approve. And no, I'm not trying to drown out the ghost story by turning on iTunes. I am not afraid. Not at all. Not. No--omg, what was that?)

Currently trying to decide whether I want to see We are the Fallen or Katelyn this month...if I can't find someone to go to Katelyn's show with, I'll probably end up just watching WATF, which is a bummer, cause I'm dying to see curly too. I've also decided that I'm slowly becoming obsessed with Katie Stevens, who I non-subtly couldn't stand during the actual competition. Sigh. It's easy for people to win me over, i guess.

A new ghost story is starting, I'm actually gonna try to watch. Peace.

I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Iether way I found out
I'm nothing without you.

Don't Waste the Pretty on Pain

Hola July, where the hell did you come from?
Because seriously, like, yesterday it was December and I was in a fluffy hat and uggs that didn't come close to matching, and a few hours ago I was awaiting college letters and AI was starting and it was March, and an hour or so ago it was May and stores put out tank tops and skirts that seem to shrink in length every year, and about half an hour ago I was graduating and sun was scorching and mosquitos were out for the kill in the evenings.

...or, at least, that's how it feels. July seemed so far away...and then, BAM. June flew by in a blur of days that mixed in together all in the 'meh' department.
I'll be 18 this month--which isn't really a big deal because come on, what can you do at 18 iether than buy lottery tickets in the USA?--but still, I suppose it's something to look forward to, if only for the birthday cake...

We had a benifit concert last night for one of our choir singers who has brain cancer. It was a full house, 10 dollar donation per person+silent auction+extra donations+bake sale in the lobby, and I'm so glad that so many people came out to help out this family, despite maybe not knowing the girl personally. I used to tutor her when she was younger, and it's surreal that something like this is happening. I mean, she's doing so well right now, but something like this is so unpredictable and changes day by day, so I'm afraid to be happy right now. A neighbor recently passed away from cancer as well, and she had also been doing extremely well...one complication later, and there was nothing that could be done. I can't even process how much lives change in the blink of an eye due to diseases like this. It makes me so sad and desperate to find something, some sort of cure for them...even though I know I won't, I wish there was a way I could. I watched my grandma go from 100% to irreversable in a matter of weeks, and even though I know so many other people have been affected more deeply, and that life is not fair, I just...I don't know. Humans have so much control, and yet none at all. But I guess it all happens for a reason.
Onto a lighter topic, because it just feels wrong to be so somber when iTunes is playing "here Comes the Sun."
Umm...

I see the american Idols in 44 days. ...And I really wish I wasn't counting down for this. It's embarrassing, really, but their first show was tonight, and I've read through so many pre/post-show interviews, stalked youtube for videos, and it's hard not to be giddy.

I'm in the process of writing out some sort of opinion on the setlist for each contestant to appear on a more Idol-based tumblr post somewhere, but I haven't really gotten past writing out each person's name/song list. Hi, I'm ADD.
Didi Benami: She opened the show with something from the Rescues, which increases her cool factor by a lot. And "Terrified" isn't a surprise at all, but it's a fan favorite, so I guess it helps get them hyped up for the show...and her voice doesn't sound half bad on it iether. I do wish she'd done something acoustic, because slow songs highlight her unique voice so perfectly, but alas, the producers always want upbeat songs to kick off the night.
Andrew Garcia: ...is doing "Straight Up", who apparently everyone but me loves. Then again, I have never been a fan of his. "Sunday Morning" is equally predictable.
Katie Stevens: "Here We Go Again"....really Katie? I mean, I'm thrilled she's covering Demi, since she really needs to do something "younger", but out of all the Demi songs...she chose this? "Fighter" on the other hand, I cannot wait to hear live. Katie's no Xtina, but I'm sure she'll do it justice...
Tim Urban: His songs are...a little surprising, I guess. Not that we'll be able to hear him over the screaming tweens. Sigh. (Now, see, if Alex would have made it instead of him, I would be much more enthusiastic about it...)
Siobhan Magnus: K, first off, this girl could sing the phone book and I'd pay my 50 dollars or whatever to watch her. Secondly, her killer intro+Paint it Black+wail=perfect start to her set. I did not expect a No Doubt song, but it works. And the Muse WAS KILLER. The finishing WAILLLLLLLL on her knees (no sexual inuendo necessary) made the kids go wild. Everyone says she got the best audience response tonight. I could not be happier to be a "siobonbon".
10-6 group number: "The Climb". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...can. not. take. seriously.
Aaron: He has a good voice. Much better than I remember it. Even so, too country and dull for me. The highlight was "Walking ih Memphis."
Michael Lynche: I watched an episode of Man Vs. Food yesterday, in which the dude consumed this 5-pound grilled cheese sandwich with 14 cheeses. Big Mike's set was cheesier than that. He has a good voice, and he's rarely off-pitch, but...it's just not my thing. It's like R&B in the bedroom and at church all at once. So strange. So AI season three.
Casey James: Can I touch his hair? Please? Or, can we trade hair? His Shania cover is probably my fave of his set...but I have yet to see actual video footage. I hope the whole holding notes that sound like a bleating sheep issue has been worked on with 19 Entertainment's vocal coaches. I'm excited for him, nonetheless.
Crystal BowErSox: BRB, dying over the fact that I'll get to hear her do "Come to My Window", "Up to the Mountain", "What's Up" among other things. I just love this woman. I just wish she'd been allowed to play one of her originals, because they. are. amazing.
Casey+Michael duet: I prayed to the AI gods that they would not do it. But they did. Sigh.
(Lack of Crystal-Lee duet: RAGE)
Lee DeWyze: I did not see "The Boxer" on his setlist. Please someone tell me they forgot to put it up. I'm just not excited for Lee.
Closing group numbers: The girls showed up the guys, or maybe I just like that Kelly song more.

...i will now copy+paste that above rant and try to make it sound more intelligent, and then apologize for posting it here. Sorry. Hah.
Anywho, I'm currently trying to decide whether I want to volunteer at the local animal shelter, or an elementary school. I babysit, so maybe animals would be a nice change.
This past week has gone opposite of how I'd hoped, which sucks, but whatever. Better luck next time. New month, new start...I suppose.
Currently obsessed with...
The new McDonald's iced coffees: Because seriously, how can you be a coffee addict and not be. So. good. So so good. And yet....so bad. But still, so good. *inner-thought process every time I go to order one*
"Just Like You"--Allison Iraheta: Perfect 'I'm so over you and this heartbreak BS you put me through' song. If you know me personally, you'll understand why it hit so close to home.
The Bachelorette *mortified look* I'm trying to think of a way to justify this...I don't even know. It was on one day, I was going through AI withdrawals, so I started watching. You know those shows that you just hate so much/are just SO bad, and make you suffer from second-hand embarrassment, yet you can't look away? Yeah. For the record, Ali was my fave on the Bachelor, so I'm glad it was her as the bachelorette instead of one of the others. (Someone make me stop watching, please.) I hate the concept, yet I can't look away. Like one of those bad Youtube covers...

I'm gonna go uh, not fangirl over Crystal's performances.
Until next-pointless ramble-time, blog.
PS: Allison I's acoustic "Don't Waste the Pretty" is pretty obess-worthy in my world too. It just came up on iTunes and I was reminded of this. I don't know why I felt like posting that.
PPS: "New Moon" was way Better than "Eclipse", and Bella and Edward annoy the hell out of me. (Not the actors, the characters. I figure any Twilight fan would've given up on reading this blog somewhere before now, and therefore won't see this and come hunt me down at midnight....)
PPPS: No, nothing is spell checked. No, I do not feel like spell checking. Yes, every spelling/grammar error will drive me insane if I ever read through this...
People change
And will you still be here after today?
Trouble is, I feel like I could win or lose it all
I don't know which way to fall.

There is Comfort, Sweet Release

Hey blog. How's summer been for you? Hope it hasn't been as boring as mine.
Although, not all of it has been dreadfully boring.

Last week, my parents and I drove up to San Pablo, to visit the Hattlan Center, which they really want me to attend. I was reluctant at first, but after looking at it and talking to some people, I'm warming up to the idea. I hate (HATEHATEHATEHATE) the idea of not going straight to a state college, it. drives. me. insane., but honestly, I feel like this programschoolthingplace'll help me actually be able to like, survive and know how to get things done. I hate asking for help...that's probably what's most difficult about accepting this. And I hate feeling like I'm behind my peers in some way, I've always taken pride in doing just what they did, and showing as little struggle as possible, so it seemed like it was no harder for me than it was for them. And who knows if things have been harder for me, I'm not them, I don't know what they feel.
But, the Hattlan's nice. It's so...mainstream? I don't know, it doesn't advertise being a schoolcentertypething for the blind, it's stationed amidst a normal apartment complex, and there's no way to tell the difference from student apartments and just...everyone else's apartments. It's a sink-or-swim/no-pampering kind of program, and that's the best way to learn, if you ask me. You're only screwing yourself over if you don't learn to do this or that, so that's some good motivation if I should need it. It's not like STEP (which I started a year from yesterday; craaaaaazy), where more sight=more power or whatever, I appreciate that. It's not a super ghetto apartment complex iether, it's actually pretty nice, and the apartments aren't like, miniature ant homes or anything, they're good-sized.
It definitely doesn't hurt that about half the kids there play guitar, and that I met this one girl who's a huge Paramore/Tegan and Sara fan...who also plays guitar, and who made me an awesome Italian lunch when I visited. The people seem nice enough.

Dad and I went in like the sceptics we are, and were impressed. If something can manage to impress us both, then I've gotta believe it's good. Mom's...herself. Not wanting me to go, but she's not putting up a fight, which I am very thankful for. (She's just warning me about rapists 24-7, but...) Dad's not stoked about the idea iether, but he's said many times that I need this, so he's not going to refuse it right when he's finally got me on board.

The entire visit to NorCal was surprisingly fun. Granted, we got a flat tire and spent an hour on the side of a freeway in the middle of nowhere (literally, we had no idea where we were.) It was a little frightening to have huge trucks zoom by about 5 feet from us, but it's all in the adventure. My parents spotted the crazy chicken and casino before we found the apartments (naturally), so we went and ate, and found out Mexico won 2-0, which instantly put us in a better mood. We are damn proud people. We may or may not've been waving a Mexican flag on our car. (Don't judge.)

For the record, we told everyone we came across about our country's win...because I did inherret my total lack of subtlty from them. We spent a few hours touring the center, and I hung out with guitar chick for a while. We filled out forms and signed papers, and I got put on a waiting list, and we shook tons of people's hands, and then I threw on my Lakers hat and we went in search of a decent hotel that wasn't the Motel 6.

...forty-five minutes later, we found one, which was only about 15 minutes from Hattlan. (Directionally challenged family...) Mom had every intention of napping, but it was close to 6, and I think she soon realized that sleeping was gonna be hard to come by. Dad and I were so anxious and into the game it's embarrassing. Christina's National Anthom performance was beautiful(haters back up).

I was so exhausted, that I literally slept through the whole halftime, but awoke right before the game began again. I was certain we were gonna lose...until the 4th quarter, during which dad and I couldn't sit still. i'm willing to bet mom was thinking of the best way to subtly push us out of the 3rd story window. Eleven seconds left we were still on edge. Then Los Lakers won, and we headed out for pizza and stuff to celebrate. I was bummed we couldn't be in LA for our team's win, but this was alright too. The win kind of put the cherry on a really good day. Mom and I headed to Starbucks then back to our room for a night of George Lopez, while dad (after mom practically forced him) went to a casino for a little while, then joined us.

The next morning we watched the US game (by 'we' I mean dad and I, while mom kept saying she enjoyed it, even though she was only awake for about 5 minutes of the game...). We packed up and drove home.

It was all fairly simple, but it was nice to have a day with my parents, no arguing, no nothing, I was really happy.
So I guess I know what I'm doing come whenever I get into Hattlan, but all this extra time drives me crazy. I feel like I should be doing something useful. I mean, I babysit when I'm asked, but I want to do more...work. Something. Though I do like the ability to be spontaneous right now. I could just go anywhere anytime and not really have any responsibilities...when will I ever get a chance like that again?
Summer also brought concerts. Insaaaaaanely pumped for Saturday. :) Also excited to see Katelyn (SQUEEEEEE) Epperly right before my birthday...and the fact that I get to meet her isn't half bad iether. The fact that I get to meet this season's AI top 10 then go to their show in August is pretty sweet too. And the Tegan and Sara/Paramore show in Sept isn't all that bad iether. Oh, and apparently mom and I are going to Shakira...? Okie doke. I'm down with her.

Current obsessions: Vegichips. Seriously. They. are. amazing.
Slushies. It's summer. They are cold, and sweet, and magically delicious.
"Lullaby" by Didi Benami. I tried not to like her...and then she released a beautiful song like this. Damn you. It's not that the lyrics are so profound, but there's something about a couple of lines that just triggers something in me, makes me stop and listen. "One by one, they left you more shattered, than before..." (About trying different, harsh ways to deal with pain. About each of those self-harming trials hurting you more in the end.)
"You're his baby, Let him hold you."(About letting another person hold you--not just in the physical sense, but emotionally. Letting yourself fall into their arms, trusting that you're theirs. This line hit me especially hard...it's so hard for me to really believe someone. To actually not doubt someone. It's terrifying, actually. It's probably bad and pathetic that this line makes me tear up...annnnnd probably equally pathetic that i admit this.)

This is insanely long, so I will stop writing.
"There is hope
There is peace
There is comfort;
Sweet release."

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

I'm in love with Siobhan Magnus's studio version of "Across the Universe. in. friggin. love. New Kate and Amy songs always reach very high numbers of plays on iTunes very quickly...and it appears that this girl's songs have the same effect. But this song is just so purdyyyy.
Anyways, that was just a paragraph of me fangirling and squealing via words, in an effort to spare my cousin, who's sitting behind me on my bed, happily typing away on my green laptop, and probably wondering why I can't shut the hell up about that girl with the pretty rocker hair. And then there's the fact that any outbursts of giddiness would probably wake up my aunt, who's sleeping on a makeshift bed next to me on the ground, snoring away. We all know you snore, tia, accept it.

Spring break has progressed as expected. I've stayed up far too late doing nothing daily, and gotten up past noon on the daily. I've gotten no homework done thus far (chemistry and English say whaaaaat?), and I've gone out to random places on a daily basis. Despite the unplanned extended stay of the aunt and cousin, things have been good, and many laughs have been had.
Picking out moments that stand out every day helps me go to bed happy, and makes me feel like I actually accomplished something that day, no matter how untrue that statement may be.
Today it's a toss-up between coffee with the family, good midnight conversation, or this lovely rendition of "Across the Universe."
The only real downfall was my mom and her constant bad mood, but I've learned that avoiding her and keeping my mouth shut works wonders when not trying to get into screaming matches(aka, all the time). I just wish she'd learn to lighten up, take jokes, see past this little box of comfort she's locked herself in, understand that every person is different, and that that's okay...that people make their own decisions and that not everybody shares her ideas and morals, and that in not doing so, they are not immediately doomed to be life failures. But alas, we can't always get what we want. We're all different, what can you do but accept it?

...and looking back on those last sentences, I see my hypocritical side coming out full-blast.
In other news, it's April? What the hell? When did that happen?
And it's 3:00 AM? Well...okay then. Maybe I should go to bed.
...hahahaha right.

Across the Universe

I posted this here:
http://www.wassheworththismess.tumblr.com
but I was bored and decided to show it some love via Blogspot as well, and hence, a pointless nonsense AI review, in all its bias midnight rambly glory.

1: Crystal Bowersox: Girl’s got an amazing voice on her, and week by week she’s consistently one of the few contestants I actually look forward to watching.
There really isn’t anything I didn’t enjoy about her performance. and the MammaSox nickname did win me over a little more too, not gonna lie. She’s just
so cute and very talented.

2: Lee DeWyze: I constantly spell his last name incorrectly. Lee…he’s growing on me. He’s by no means a personal favorite, but he’s got a good voice, and
you can’t deny that he’s done pretty well the past couple of weeks.

3: Katie Stevens: …Did that just happen? Did I actually get through a Katie performance without feeling the strong urge to punch her in the face? She killed
this song, and I hate to admit that she both sounded and looked very very good. This is painful, guys.

4: Siobhan Magnus: I considered placing Casey here instead, but I have a soft spot for this quirky girl, so I decided against it. Not my favorite performance,
but I liked how it was so different from what I expected. I liked seeing so much vulnerability from her, which I hadn’t really ever seen before. Her breakdown
when talking to her sisters was precious; I teared up, not even gonna lie. A lot of people thought that moment was super corny, but there’s just something
about that and her that I just adore…

5: Casey James: Probably the only other contestant that I fully paid attention too. His best performance since the top 12 shows started, IMO, but I don’t
know..there’s just something about him that I’m not feelin.’ I was a huge fan during those middle shows…but it just kind of faded. It was pretty good,
though.

6: Michael Lynch: He’s fine…he can sing fine…his performance are never Paige Miles bad, but I just get bored. Some are corny, some are just good…but that’s
about it. Truthfully I only watched about half of his performance.

7: Tim Urban: He actually didn’t suck as much as I had expected him too. This, however, definitely doesn’t mean that I *enjoyed* his performance. He needs
to GTFO, if you ask me.

8: Aaron Kelly: Archie’s miniature twin? I don’t know…it’s all just so preschool. I enjoyed that little segment where the others talked about him ten times
more than I enjoyed his actual performance…or, the pieces of it I actually paid attention to.

9: Andrew Garcia: Why, just WHY? Why that song and that arrangement  and that suuuuuuuper corny performance? ‘nuff said.

Remember the good ‘ol days when there was only one or two contestants fans dreaded?

Honestly, I watch primarily for Crystal, Siobhan, and now Lee, I guess. Sometimes Casey. Usually Katie, but only cuz I’ma hater who likes to constantly
complain about her. (tonight was an exception…twiiiiilight zone)

…i couldn’t sleep. this laughable excuse for a review happened.


Is my Siobhan/Crystal favoritism and Tim/Katie annoyance evident? hah.
Life's been so-so. The cousin and aunt are stuck here until the weekend, at least, which is both good and bad. I'd like to have some of my spring break to myself, but at the same time it's nice to have people to keep me entertained. I just hope everybody down in the homelands is okay/hope the earthquakes cease asap.
Getting rid of this cold would also be a plus in my life, but that's irrelevant.