Oh right...I have a blog. Hi, blog, how've you been? Life been treatin' ya good?
Good, good, I'm glad. So, have you heard the one about the super stubborn yet clueless kid that thought she had everything perfectly planned out...only to have it all go completely wrong, forcing her to change and conform and let go of some of that pride? Well, in a nutshell, that's been my life as of late. And yet, despite things not being at all what I had originally wanted, I'm really really happy with what's been happening. Not necissarily happy with my plans for the future, but what has to be done has to be done...I guess. And as for the present, some things are going wrong, things I never expected to go wrong, but overall it's all good.
Nothing amazing has happened, but it's the little things that keep me going. Finals are this week (EEEEK), and Friday's my last. day. of. high school. (YAY. WHOAAAAA WHAT!??)
I graduate next Thursday...surreal times ten.
Dad wants to get me a nice guitar as a graduation gift...here's hoping I actually learn to play it. It would be so nice to be able to make melodies for all the lyrics I write.
Our last school production "Curtains" closed a couple of weeks ago...it's nice to not have rehearsals/shows every evening, but I'm gonna miss theatre so much. The stage, and just the freedom to come out and act so out there, to channel my energy into that, to put myself into a character's life and live vicariously through her. To come out afterwords and take the bows with the cast and have 500 people clapping below us...I'm not trying to sound conceded by that in any way, it's just such an imense rush. And, our last concert/chamber/jazz/show choir/mads (we have five chorus groups...yup) show was Thursday...something else I'm gonna miss. Who knows how much of this theatre and singing stuff I'll do after high school, so it's pretty sad to see it all end.
This Wednesday journalism also put out our last paper of the year. (Senior Lancer Eddition: Pokemon. We represent cool.) Journalism was so fun. I loved being an entertainment editor, getting to write about undiscovered artists, and getting to review shows and albums and concerts. I think I became (in)famous for the weekly American Idol reviews and elimination opinion pieces. Writing things on Kate, Amy, and OTH was also pretty awesome. Coincidentally, Idol ended on the day that the last opinion piece for AI was due. Perfect timing, Fox, thank you. Although, I'll miss playing cynical hater and over-judging every performance on Tuesday nights (I want that minute and a half back. Is she related in any way to a tabby cat? That performance's gonna go down in the worst of the worst history...probably this season's best accomplishment to date. He should be sued for animal abuse after that Hound Dog performance.) ...yup. And I'll also miss iether being super happy or super enraged at every elimination (Katelyn and Lilly, top top 5 contendors, got eliminated befor the top 12, and now the world is really ending. Lacy's gone...and it's sunny out today, in today's eddition of predictable news. Truly, Paige was voted off about halfway through that performance, but they just had to wait 'till today to make it official. The third girl out of six goes home, in this so-called girls season, and wi lose one more authentic talent. The judges save our resident heavyweight, and I dread the sure-to-happen early ouster of one of their favorites...and hope Mike gets voted off next week during the double-elimination, just to rebalance the universe. Finally a guy goes home many weeks too late, and hound dogs and humans rejoyce in unison. Katie gets sent home, Crystal and Siobhan cry their eyes out, Tim's safe, and I stare blankly inconfusion. Tim finally goes home...yup, it finally happened. AMERICA FAILS, and the quirky glassblower from Cape Cod gets voted off, as many fans post outraged twitter updates, Aaron and Mike breathe sighs of shocked relief, and the judges regret that wasted save. Aaron gets sent home, and well, there's not much more to say on the matter. Mike gets sent home-for the second time-and nobody is surprised. Casey of the pretty hair and cougar appeal gets sent home, in the most predictable top three results show in Idol history...and the mom and paint salesman get to battle it out for the confetti shower and sure-to-be-corny coronation song. MamaSox loses to the BeLeevers...American got it horribly wrong for the second year in a row.)
...My journalism hour was spent writing things like that. It was so much better than doing work that's for sure.
Eight more tests, and I'll be done with school...and off to more unknown mysteries. Ridiculous. Crystal's "SandMan" just started playing, and I think that's my iTunes' way of saying that I need to go to bed.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
You're Playing With Fire
A comment dad made tonight hit me hard.
It was about people who don't take care of everything and end up screwed eventually...and he used me as an example of someone who basically screwed up her future.
It sucks, mainly because it's so true. Most of what's happened lately is completely my fault--the slacking off last year, the less than good SAT scores, the lack of community service, the minimal school club involvement...all things I could've worked on, but wasn't smart enough to, apparently.
And now I'll be lucky to go to a university at all. Dorms in the only one I might go to are scarce, and if I can't get into one, then I basically can't go to that school.
And my parents really want me to go to a community college, and I know the primary reason for this is because they don't think I'm ready to take on living on my own... I always said I'd go straight to a four-year school, and I used to have a good plan as to what I wanted to do...and it's embarrassing for even myself to accept that there's a very good chance that none of this'll be happening.
I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to admit to all those teachers that expect so much from me, to all the people who told me I couldn't go to a 4-year school out of high school...I don't want them to be right, but I let them be.
just...idk, pointless post. It just hit me tonight and it's freaking me out.
It was about people who don't take care of everything and end up screwed eventually...and he used me as an example of someone who basically screwed up her future.
It sucks, mainly because it's so true. Most of what's happened lately is completely my fault--the slacking off last year, the less than good SAT scores, the lack of community service, the minimal school club involvement...all things I could've worked on, but wasn't smart enough to, apparently.
And now I'll be lucky to go to a university at all. Dorms in the only one I might go to are scarce, and if I can't get into one, then I basically can't go to that school.
And my parents really want me to go to a community college, and I know the primary reason for this is because they don't think I'm ready to take on living on my own... I always said I'd go straight to a four-year school, and I used to have a good plan as to what I wanted to do...and it's embarrassing for even myself to accept that there's a very good chance that none of this'll be happening.
I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to admit to all those teachers that expect so much from me, to all the people who told me I couldn't go to a 4-year school out of high school...I don't want them to be right, but I let them be.
just...idk, pointless post. It just hit me tonight and it's freaking me out.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Come Together
Have you ever taken the time to think-really think-about how expansive the world is? About how many people live in it; how many stories, songs, books, lives, experiences it holds? I ponder this often, and it's fascinating and overwhelming and a little disheartening to me all at once. It's so wonderful that there is so much out there, that learning is never really over, that there's something else waiting to grasp my attention and draw me in at any given moment. But at the same time, I find it disappointing that I'll never actually be able to hear every story or every song, to meet every person and be drawn in by each's experiences. I want to.
I wish there was some job that revolved strictly around travelling near and far, interviewing and getting to know any random person, listening to any and every song, reading through every book...
There's just so much out there. Maybe I'm weird, being so interested in everyone else's likes, dislikes, influences, and experiences, but I always have been. Maybe that's why I love reading through/watching interviews, and taking in every new piece of information the artist speaks of. I like when the singer at a concert tells an anecdote about his or her day, or an experience I didn't previously know about...it's just so fascinating to me, no matter how ordinary it is. I like talking to friends...bringing up random stories about each other's lives, families, random experiences of the past...I get so drawn in. I like those corny get-to-know-me features before some like, American Idol-or whatever other reality show-has before each performance with random little tidbits.
I don't know what I'm trying to say by this post. I just want to experience everything-if not through me, through someone retelling a tale. I want to visit everywhere, taste, touch, hear everything under the sun. I know that's not possible, but I strive to do as much of it as possible. Someday. Somehow.
I wish there was some job that revolved strictly around travelling near and far, interviewing and getting to know any random person, listening to any and every song, reading through every book...
There's just so much out there. Maybe I'm weird, being so interested in everyone else's likes, dislikes, influences, and experiences, but I always have been. Maybe that's why I love reading through/watching interviews, and taking in every new piece of information the artist speaks of. I like when the singer at a concert tells an anecdote about his or her day, or an experience I didn't previously know about...it's just so fascinating to me, no matter how ordinary it is. I like talking to friends...bringing up random stories about each other's lives, families, random experiences of the past...I get so drawn in. I like those corny get-to-know-me features before some like, American Idol-or whatever other reality show-has before each performance with random little tidbits.
I don't know what I'm trying to say by this post. I just want to experience everything-if not through me, through someone retelling a tale. I want to visit everywhere, taste, touch, hear everything under the sun. I know that's not possible, but I strive to do as much of it as possible. Someday. Somehow.
Nothing's Gonna Change My World
I'm in love with Siobhan Magnus's studio version of "Across the Universe. in. friggin. love. New Kate and Amy songs always reach very high numbers of plays on iTunes very quickly...and it appears that this girl's songs have the same effect. But this song is just so purdyyyy.
Anyways, that was just a paragraph of me fangirling and squealing via words, in an effort to spare my cousin, who's sitting behind me on my bed, happily typing away on my green laptop, and probably wondering why I can't shut the hell up about that girl with the pretty rocker hair. And then there's the fact that any outbursts of giddiness would probably wake up my aunt, who's sleeping on a makeshift bed next to me on the ground, snoring away. We all know you snore, tia, accept it.
Spring break has progressed as expected. I've stayed up far too late doing nothing daily, and gotten up past noon on the daily. I've gotten no homework done thus far (chemistry and English say whaaaaat?), and I've gone out to random places on a daily basis. Despite the unplanned extended stay of the aunt and cousin, things have been good, and many laughs have been had.
Picking out moments that stand out every day helps me go to bed happy, and makes me feel like I actually accomplished something that day, no matter how untrue that statement may be.
Today it's a toss-up between coffee with the family, good midnight conversation, or this lovely rendition of "Across the Universe."
The only real downfall was my mom and her constant bad mood, but I've learned that avoiding her and keeping my mouth shut works wonders when not trying to get into screaming matches(aka, all the time). I just wish she'd learn to lighten up, take jokes, see past this little box of comfort she's locked herself in, understand that every person is different, and that that's okay...that people make their own decisions and that not everybody shares her ideas and morals, and that in not doing so, they are not immediately doomed to be life failures. But alas, we can't always get what we want. We're all different, what can you do but accept it?
...and looking back on those last sentences, I see my hypocritical side coming out full-blast.
In other news, it's April? What the hell? When did that happen?
And it's 3:00 AM? Well...okay then. Maybe I should go to bed.
...hahahaha right.
Anyways, that was just a paragraph of me fangirling and squealing via words, in an effort to spare my cousin, who's sitting behind me on my bed, happily typing away on my green laptop, and probably wondering why I can't shut the hell up about that girl with the pretty rocker hair. And then there's the fact that any outbursts of giddiness would probably wake up my aunt, who's sleeping on a makeshift bed next to me on the ground, snoring away. We all know you snore, tia, accept it.
Spring break has progressed as expected. I've stayed up far too late doing nothing daily, and gotten up past noon on the daily. I've gotten no homework done thus far (chemistry and English say whaaaaat?), and I've gone out to random places on a daily basis. Despite the unplanned extended stay of the aunt and cousin, things have been good, and many laughs have been had.
Picking out moments that stand out every day helps me go to bed happy, and makes me feel like I actually accomplished something that day, no matter how untrue that statement may be.
Today it's a toss-up between coffee with the family, good midnight conversation, or this lovely rendition of "Across the Universe."
The only real downfall was my mom and her constant bad mood, but I've learned that avoiding her and keeping my mouth shut works wonders when not trying to get into screaming matches(aka, all the time). I just wish she'd learn to lighten up, take jokes, see past this little box of comfort she's locked herself in, understand that every person is different, and that that's okay...that people make their own decisions and that not everybody shares her ideas and morals, and that in not doing so, they are not immediately doomed to be life failures. But alas, we can't always get what we want. We're all different, what can you do but accept it?
...and looking back on those last sentences, I see my hypocritical side coming out full-blast.
In other news, it's April? What the hell? When did that happen?
And it's 3:00 AM? Well...okay then. Maybe I should go to bed.
...hahahaha right.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Across the Universe
I posted this here:
http://www.wassheworththismess.tumblr.com
but I was bored and decided to show it some love via Blogspot as well, and hence, a pointless nonsense AI review, in all its bias midnight rambly glory.
1: Crystal Bowersox: Girl’s got an amazing voice on her, and week by week she’s consistently one of the few contestants I actually look forward to watching.
There really isn’t anything I didn’t enjoy about her performance. and the MammaSox nickname did win me over a little more too, not gonna lie. She’s just
so cute and very talented.
2: Lee DeWyze: I constantly spell his last name incorrectly. Lee…he’s growing on me. He’s by no means a personal favorite, but he’s got a good voice, and
you can’t deny that he’s done pretty well the past couple of weeks.
3: Katie Stevens: …Did that just happen? Did I actually get through a Katie performance without feeling the strong urge to punch her in the face? She killed
this song, and I hate to admit that she both sounded and looked very very good. This is painful, guys.
4: Siobhan Magnus: I considered placing Casey here instead, but I have a soft spot for this quirky girl, so I decided against it. Not my favorite performance,
but I liked how it was so different from what I expected. I liked seeing so much vulnerability from her, which I hadn’t really ever seen before. Her breakdown
when talking to her sisters was precious; I teared up, not even gonna lie. A lot of people thought that moment was super corny, but there’s just something
about that and her that I just adore…
5: Casey James: Probably the only other contestant that I fully paid attention too. His best performance since the top 12 shows started, IMO, but I don’t
know..there’s just something about him that I’m not feelin.’ I was a huge fan during those middle shows…but it just kind of faded. It was pretty good,
though.
6: Michael Lynch: He’s fine…he can sing fine…his performance are never Paige Miles bad, but I just get bored. Some are corny, some are just good…but that’s
about it. Truthfully I only watched about half of his performance.
7: Tim Urban: He actually didn’t suck as much as I had expected him too. This, however, definitely doesn’t mean that I *enjoyed* his performance. He needs
to GTFO, if you ask me.
8: Aaron Kelly: Archie’s miniature twin? I don’t know…it’s all just so preschool. I enjoyed that little segment where the others talked about him ten times
more than I enjoyed his actual performance…or, the pieces of it I actually paid attention to.
9: Andrew Garcia: Why, just WHY? Why that song and that arrangement and that suuuuuuuper corny performance? ‘nuff said.
Remember the good ‘ol days when there was only one or two contestants fans dreaded?
Honestly, I watch primarily for Crystal, Siobhan, and now Lee, I guess. Sometimes Casey. Usually Katie, but only cuz I’ma hater who likes to constantly
complain about her. (tonight was an exception…twiiiiilight zone)
…i couldn’t sleep. this laughable excuse for a review happened.
Is my Siobhan/Crystal favoritism and Tim/Katie annoyance evident? hah.
Life's been so-so. The cousin and aunt are stuck here until the weekend, at least, which is both good and bad. I'd like to have some of my spring break to myself, but at the same time it's nice to have people to keep me entertained. I just hope everybody down in the homelands is okay/hope the earthquakes cease asap.
Getting rid of this cold would also be a plus in my life, but that's irrelevant.
http://www.wassheworththismess.tumblr.com
but I was bored and decided to show it some love via Blogspot as well, and hence, a pointless nonsense AI review, in all its bias midnight rambly glory.
1: Crystal Bowersox: Girl’s got an amazing voice on her, and week by week she’s consistently one of the few contestants I actually look forward to watching.
There really isn’t anything I didn’t enjoy about her performance. and the MammaSox nickname did win me over a little more too, not gonna lie. She’s just
so cute and very talented.
2: Lee DeWyze: I constantly spell his last name incorrectly. Lee…he’s growing on me. He’s by no means a personal favorite, but he’s got a good voice, and
you can’t deny that he’s done pretty well the past couple of weeks.
3: Katie Stevens: …Did that just happen? Did I actually get through a Katie performance without feeling the strong urge to punch her in the face? She killed
this song, and I hate to admit that she both sounded and looked very very good. This is painful, guys.
4: Siobhan Magnus: I considered placing Casey here instead, but I have a soft spot for this quirky girl, so I decided against it. Not my favorite performance,
but I liked how it was so different from what I expected. I liked seeing so much vulnerability from her, which I hadn’t really ever seen before. Her breakdown
when talking to her sisters was precious; I teared up, not even gonna lie. A lot of people thought that moment was super corny, but there’s just something
about that and her that I just adore…
5: Casey James: Probably the only other contestant that I fully paid attention too. His best performance since the top 12 shows started, IMO, but I don’t
know..there’s just something about him that I’m not feelin.’ I was a huge fan during those middle shows…but it just kind of faded. It was pretty good,
though.
6: Michael Lynch: He’s fine…he can sing fine…his performance are never Paige Miles bad, but I just get bored. Some are corny, some are just good…but that’s
about it. Truthfully I only watched about half of his performance.
7: Tim Urban: He actually didn’t suck as much as I had expected him too. This, however, definitely doesn’t mean that I *enjoyed* his performance. He needs
to GTFO, if you ask me.
8: Aaron Kelly: Archie’s miniature twin? I don’t know…it’s all just so preschool. I enjoyed that little segment where the others talked about him ten times
more than I enjoyed his actual performance…or, the pieces of it I actually paid attention to.
9: Andrew Garcia: Why, just WHY? Why that song and that arrangement and that suuuuuuuper corny performance? ‘nuff said.
Remember the good ‘ol days when there was only one or two contestants fans dreaded?
Honestly, I watch primarily for Crystal, Siobhan, and now Lee, I guess. Sometimes Casey. Usually Katie, but only cuz I’ma hater who likes to constantly
complain about her. (tonight was an exception…twiiiiilight zone)
…i couldn’t sleep. this laughable excuse for a review happened.
Is my Siobhan/Crystal favoritism and Tim/Katie annoyance evident? hah.
Life's been so-so. The cousin and aunt are stuck here until the weekend, at least, which is both good and bad. I'd like to have some of my spring break to myself, but at the same time it's nice to have people to keep me entertained. I just hope everybody down in the homelands is okay/hope the earthquakes cease asap.
Getting rid of this cold would also be a plus in my life, but that's irrelevant.
Monday, April 5, 2010
It just happens every day
Someday I'll take the time to put together a blog post worth reading.
...Tonight is not that time.
Life's been good and bad and normal, and I'm as confused as ever as the world spins madly on...
College=I have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna end up doing
Things I've learned= Making plans is basically pointless.
Letting go can be pretty easy if you do it slowly.
Laughing really does relieve quite a bit of stress.
Caring what others think always brings you down, and blocking them out and continuing on feels amazing.
Never expect anything from anyone without a legitimate reason, and you will have hundrdeds more pleasant surprises.
I tend to have a completely different personality outside of the school gates.
I can be rediculously critical when watching American Idol or any similar singing shows.
I obsess over things and people like none other.
I am so blessed to have the couple of true friends, and I'd go completely insane if not for their presence.
Smiling despite the situation lets me go to bed with a clearer mind.
My dreams are psychotic.
...Tonight is not that time.
Life's been good and bad and normal, and I'm as confused as ever as the world spins madly on...
College=I have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna end up doing
Things I've learned= Making plans is basically pointless.
Letting go can be pretty easy if you do it slowly.
Laughing really does relieve quite a bit of stress.
Caring what others think always brings you down, and blocking them out and continuing on feels amazing.
Never expect anything from anyone without a legitimate reason, and you will have hundrdeds more pleasant surprises.
I tend to have a completely different personality outside of the school gates.
I can be rediculously critical when watching American Idol or any similar singing shows.
I obsess over things and people like none other.
I am so blessed to have the couple of true friends, and I'd go completely insane if not for their presence.
Smiling despite the situation lets me go to bed with a clearer mind.
My dreams are psychotic.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Carry on and on and on...
Realization
Or, sort of. The climax of one I guess...or maybe just a different prospective/state of mind--what's the difference, really. They both affect a person similarly.
Hi, I make no sense, am sleep-deprived, and have been laughing too much/saying the stupidiest things all day. So, all in all, it has been a good day indeed. In a way, all these few previous weeks have been so too.
I mean, some things still suck and blah, but whatever...I've kind of realized, that...I just...honestly really don't care. I mean, I care about my grades, about college, about my family, and about a few special ones in my life, but...other than that, I just want to be happy.
I've let go of some people who I used to care about a lot, but who, honestly, have changed so much, that I just can't even honestly tell them that I care anymore...because, it's just too much negativity and judgement and two-faced disguises and fakeness to keep up with. You might know who you are, and you might not, but irregardless I'm done with trying to keep caring for you and your opinions which have never been said straight to my face.
I do complain, about a lot of things, too much, and it annoys even me, but isn't that what a blog is for? Just for me..to vent and rant nonsensically about stupid stuff that's bothering me at that precise moment; no matter how insignificant? I think so.
I will most likely continue to rant later on in this blog, but, I don't know...despite things that have gone astray recently, I can't manage to stay angry or upset for more than a little while. There's always that little person or thing they do to make it all better...even if they're not trying. I rant and rave etc on this or tumblr, then, right after, laugh at how stupid I was for giving a f*ck.
...'cause I'm just trying to be---happy.
adios
Or, sort of. The climax of one I guess...or maybe just a different prospective/state of mind--what's the difference, really. They both affect a person similarly.
Hi, I make no sense, am sleep-deprived, and have been laughing too much/saying the stupidiest things all day. So, all in all, it has been a good day indeed. In a way, all these few previous weeks have been so too.
I mean, some things still suck and blah, but whatever...I've kind of realized, that...I just...honestly really don't care. I mean, I care about my grades, about college, about my family, and about a few special ones in my life, but...other than that, I just want to be happy.
I've let go of some people who I used to care about a lot, but who, honestly, have changed so much, that I just can't even honestly tell them that I care anymore...because, it's just too much negativity and judgement and two-faced disguises and fakeness to keep up with. You might know who you are, and you might not, but irregardless I'm done with trying to keep caring for you and your opinions which have never been said straight to my face.
I do complain, about a lot of things, too much, and it annoys even me, but isn't that what a blog is for? Just for me..to vent and rant nonsensically about stupid stuff that's bothering me at that precise moment; no matter how insignificant? I think so.
I will most likely continue to rant later on in this blog, but, I don't know...despite things that have gone astray recently, I can't manage to stay angry or upset for more than a little while. There's always that little person or thing they do to make it all better...even if they're not trying. I rant and rave etc on this or tumblr, then, right after, laugh at how stupid I was for giving a f*ck.
...'cause I'm just trying to be---happy.
adios
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