It's like the attack of the glitter dust around this place today. We actually finally decorated the trees, and 99.9% of the 21-80534908668923 decorations (You think I'm exaggerating? The box we keep them in is almost as big as me.), were covered in glitter. Therefore, by the end of the afternoon, I was too covered in glitter. We made cookies during this time too...they have a special ingredient. ...they're sparklier than most.
It was nice spending time with my mom without the usual drama. It was just peaceful. We didn't argue or fight about anything, she refrained from calling me out on my shit, and I did the same. She held back from criticizing other people, which is one of the things I get frustrated with about her...so it was all good. We didn't talk about anything serious, and we were the only two in the house, so the brothers and dad didn't do anything to ruin our good spirits. I missed those moments, it'd be nice if they happened more often. I know i'm insanely lucky to have a mother like her, but I wish there were more moments like this to remind me of that...
Maybe if I was more patient around my mom, it would make things better for both of us. She has dyslexea, and I feel really bad when I get frustrated or impatient with her when I have to repeat/explain things a few times-and it happens almost daily. That alone should win me the worst daughter of the year award... And she puts herself down a lot, which I guess is something we have in common in a way...but unlike most, I don't contradict, I just sigh and shake my head and walk away. I want to be able to comfort people, but I feel like I'm so bad at it-I'm always so afraid of saying the absolute wrong thing and making them feel worse... And she criticizes everything and everyone under the sun. She'll find something wrong with every. single. thing...no matter how irrelivant it is to her life. It just bothers me because A) I think people should be able to do whatever the hell they want if it's not affecting other people. and B) a lot of what she critiques is stuff I'm in favor of....most recently?
Anything having to do with gay people. Or maybe it's just the topic that's been bothering me most recently, because I want to come out to my parents, and when she says things like this it just terrifies me and makes me not know what to do. IDK, she's perfectly fine with two guys being together...but two girls? It's absolutely revolting to her, and she never fails to rant about how trashy and disgusting and blah blah blah those sinful people are. And it hurts, not gonna lie. I guess it's kind of my fault for letting it affect me so much, and for not just telling her about me...maybe that would make her stop? Then again, she has her sights set on me marrying some hard-working Mexican guy and having three kids she can give my old toys too. She has the wedding dress picked out and everything....for serious. She looks through my yearbooks and tries to talk me into going out with good-looking guys she comes across...le sigh.
And once again, I'm making my mother sound like a horrible person which is niether the truth or an okay thing to do. She's the person that keeps me going and jumps over the moon for me regularly, but...idk, people have double personalities...
Not just her. Like, a ton of people I know. It's like, you know them, talk to them, get to know them on a more personal level...and then, you see them with other people, or they just make a certain comment, or they just start talking to this or that person more, and it's like a different person when you look at them. And then that old person you used to know pops up again, and you're left a confused mess of 'who are you?' I don't know if it's true, or if it's just me and my not being good at reading people...
I don't even know if I'm making sense.
Anyways...
It's Wednesday. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but I am looking forward to Fridayyy. :)
I have four days' worth of chem to get done by tomorrow at 9:00 AM...and a chem test to study for. Blah. I hate math. This class will be the death of me....
Kate's Muse cover has been on repeat for the past 45 minutes....it may be time to change that...
My hands feel frozen. I'm gonna go defrost and do something completely unproductive for a while until I can talk myself into embarking on the SS. Chemistry from hell.
xox
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