I'd Still Side With Love

All it really is is a roller coaster, too me, who is deathly afraid of roller coasters, but loves the rush.
Life tosses and turns, and half the time you don't know what's coming and from where, and you're clinging on, wanting it to stop, or at least slow down, and you feel like it's never going too. In that moment, it feels like whatever's making you turn and toss about isn't ever going to let up, and you panic and freak out. You cry or scream or are afraid. And then, suddenly, it stops, or slows. Like the end of one of those super fast rides at Knotts Berry Farm. And then you feel so relieved, and relaxed. And part of you is paranoid about the next jolt that is still unseen, but part of you feels like, if you survived that last one, this one should be alright. And sometimes, you're soaring, like that glider ride at California Adventure, and you're just...floating and happy and unaware. It's funny how quickly one emotion can completely change, kind of like how one ride can stand still one moment, and be turned upside-down in 2.5 seconds.

That's kind of how I look at the last week, I'm just waiting for the rollercoaster to stop for a sec, a loll would be nice.
I haven't cried as much as I did today in a while, and it's annoying because it's really self-pity and agrivation, and things that just feel so magnified right now, and things I should've been over and that I should've let go of a long time ago.
But it's okay, because the birds are chirping, and the sun's shining super bright, and that alone has the capacity to make me smile. And school's going okay, and I saw the amazing Kate Voegele and Colbie Caillat the other day, and Kris and I are kind of growing closer again, and this should be more than enough to make up for all the bad.
I have a strong desire to just go lay in the grass out back. Just, lie there, under the shade of that huge tree in the middle of our yard, with the sun beyond me, and the breeze that's just the right temperature. I just want to relax there for a while, close my eyes, and just listen to the birds chirping, and the breeze through the trees, and the dogs and cars that are nearby. Just close my eyes and not have to think about anything. Maybe I'll go do that now...