One of the worse feelings there is is helplessness. Seeing someone else hurting and not being able to fix it. Closely behind, in my opinion, is the feeling of guilt.
There are people around me that I see suffering, people that I care about. There's not a thing I can do to help, and I'm not sure they even want any help. They're entitled to that for sure, but it just sucks seeing someone you care aoub hurting...and just sitting back. It drives me insane.
Going along with that, I feel bad for being so happy. Things are wonderful right now, and I want to embrace it all I can, but I feel so guilty when I look at others...I wish I could make them look at their situations from a different standpoint, a more optimistic one, but that's not possible. *sigh*
Other than that nagging feeling, things are great. It still hasn't really hit me that I'm out of highschool...and I don't know if I want it to yet. It's frightening, it's like you're released into the world and you have to make things happen on your own.
I'll miss the tea and 'Party Tuesdays' in English, the amazing people in my French class and our combined whackiness, choir and theatre...everything about those two, gossip and ranting in journalism.
I'm going up to San Pablo on Thursday to visit the Hattlan Center for the Blind. I've accepted that i'm not gonna win against everyone that wants me to take a semester off and attend this, so I might as well get as informed as I can. On the upside, there's a community college across the street from the apartments, so I'm gonna make them let me take at least part-time classes there, because I will go insane if I just didn't study for half a year. I always said I'd never attend a community college, and I did get into some schools. but honestly there's no other way around this. Trying to embrace the idea.
I'm actually pretty excited about this roadtrip. We're touring SF on Friday, and we're going out for dinner and daddy and I are watching the game Thursday, so it looks like it'll be fun.
Today was pretty awesome, in a simple way. It consisted of jogging and good music, twitter @replies from Katelyn (Idol contestant-squeeeee iloveherrrr) Epperly, and Ashley, another AI contestant that I somehow tricked into replying to me. Made me happy. Then we had a fabulous dinner, and dad and I watched the game.
You get two opinionated people like us watching a show together and it automatically = headache for anyone else in the room.
Hope all your days were glorious as well. Happy summer 2010.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment