You're Playing With Fire

A comment dad made tonight hit me hard.

It was about people who don't take care of everything and end up screwed eventually...and he used me as an example of someone who basically screwed up her future.

It sucks, mainly because it's so true. Most of what's happened lately is completely my fault--the slacking off last year, the less than good SAT scores, the lack of community service, the minimal school club involvement...all things I could've worked on, but wasn't smart enough to, apparently.
And now I'll be lucky to go to a university at all. Dorms in the only one I might go to are scarce, and if I can't get into one, then I basically can't go to that school.

And my parents really want me to go to a community college, and I know the primary reason for this is because they don't think I'm ready to take on living on my own... I always said I'd go straight to a four-year school, and I used to have a good plan as to what I wanted to do...and it's embarrassing for even myself to accept that there's a very good chance that none of this'll be happening.
I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to admit to all those teachers that expect so much from me, to all the people who told me I couldn't go to a 4-year school out of high school...I don't want them to be right, but I let them be.
just...idk, pointless post. It just hit me tonight and it's freaking me out.

Come Together

Have you ever taken the time to think-really think-about how expansive the world is? About how many people live in it; how many stories, songs, books, lives, experiences it holds? I ponder this often, and it's fascinating and overwhelming and a little disheartening to me all at once. It's so wonderful that there is so much out there, that learning is never really over, that there's something else waiting to grasp my attention and draw me in at any given moment. But at the same time, I find it disappointing that I'll never actually be able to hear every story or every song, to meet every person and be drawn in by each's experiences. I want to.

I wish there was some job that revolved strictly around travelling near and far, interviewing and getting to know any random person, listening to any and every song, reading through every book...

There's just so much out there. Maybe I'm weird, being so interested in everyone else's likes, dislikes, influences, and experiences, but I always have been. Maybe that's why I love reading through/watching interviews, and taking in every new piece of information the artist speaks of. I like when the singer at a concert tells an anecdote about his or her day, or an experience I didn't previously know about...it's just so fascinating to me, no matter how ordinary it is. I like talking to friends...bringing up random stories about each other's lives, families, random experiences of the past...I get so drawn in. I like those corny get-to-know-me features before some like, American Idol-or whatever other reality show-has before each performance with random little tidbits.

I don't know what I'm trying to say by this post. I just want to experience everything-if not through me, through someone retelling a tale. I want to visit everywhere, taste, touch, hear everything under the sun. I know that's not possible, but I strive to do as much of it as possible. Someday. Somehow.

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

I'm in love with Siobhan Magnus's studio version of "Across the Universe. in. friggin. love. New Kate and Amy songs always reach very high numbers of plays on iTunes very quickly...and it appears that this girl's songs have the same effect. But this song is just so purdyyyy.
Anyways, that was just a paragraph of me fangirling and squealing via words, in an effort to spare my cousin, who's sitting behind me on my bed, happily typing away on my green laptop, and probably wondering why I can't shut the hell up about that girl with the pretty rocker hair. And then there's the fact that any outbursts of giddiness would probably wake up my aunt, who's sleeping on a makeshift bed next to me on the ground, snoring away. We all know you snore, tia, accept it.

Spring break has progressed as expected. I've stayed up far too late doing nothing daily, and gotten up past noon on the daily. I've gotten no homework done thus far (chemistry and English say whaaaaat?), and I've gone out to random places on a daily basis. Despite the unplanned extended stay of the aunt and cousin, things have been good, and many laughs have been had.
Picking out moments that stand out every day helps me go to bed happy, and makes me feel like I actually accomplished something that day, no matter how untrue that statement may be.
Today it's a toss-up between coffee with the family, good midnight conversation, or this lovely rendition of "Across the Universe."
The only real downfall was my mom and her constant bad mood, but I've learned that avoiding her and keeping my mouth shut works wonders when not trying to get into screaming matches(aka, all the time). I just wish she'd learn to lighten up, take jokes, see past this little box of comfort she's locked herself in, understand that every person is different, and that that's okay...that people make their own decisions and that not everybody shares her ideas and morals, and that in not doing so, they are not immediately doomed to be life failures. But alas, we can't always get what we want. We're all different, what can you do but accept it?

...and looking back on those last sentences, I see my hypocritical side coming out full-blast.
In other news, it's April? What the hell? When did that happen?
And it's 3:00 AM? Well...okay then. Maybe I should go to bed.
...hahahaha right.

Across the Universe

I posted this here:
http://www.wassheworththismess.tumblr.com
but I was bored and decided to show it some love via Blogspot as well, and hence, a pointless nonsense AI review, in all its bias midnight rambly glory.

1: Crystal Bowersox: Girl’s got an amazing voice on her, and week by week she’s consistently one of the few contestants I actually look forward to watching.
There really isn’t anything I didn’t enjoy about her performance. and the MammaSox nickname did win me over a little more too, not gonna lie. She’s just
so cute and very talented.

2: Lee DeWyze: I constantly spell his last name incorrectly. Lee…he’s growing on me. He’s by no means a personal favorite, but he’s got a good voice, and
you can’t deny that he’s done pretty well the past couple of weeks.

3: Katie Stevens: …Did that just happen? Did I actually get through a Katie performance without feeling the strong urge to punch her in the face? She killed
this song, and I hate to admit that she both sounded and looked very very good. This is painful, guys.

4: Siobhan Magnus: I considered placing Casey here instead, but I have a soft spot for this quirky girl, so I decided against it. Not my favorite performance,
but I liked how it was so different from what I expected. I liked seeing so much vulnerability from her, which I hadn’t really ever seen before. Her breakdown
when talking to her sisters was precious; I teared up, not even gonna lie. A lot of people thought that moment was super corny, but there’s just something
about that and her that I just adore…

5: Casey James: Probably the only other contestant that I fully paid attention too. His best performance since the top 12 shows started, IMO, but I don’t
know..there’s just something about him that I’m not feelin.’ I was a huge fan during those middle shows…but it just kind of faded. It was pretty good,
though.

6: Michael Lynch: He’s fine…he can sing fine…his performance are never Paige Miles bad, but I just get bored. Some are corny, some are just good…but that’s
about it. Truthfully I only watched about half of his performance.

7: Tim Urban: He actually didn’t suck as much as I had expected him too. This, however, definitely doesn’t mean that I *enjoyed* his performance. He needs
to GTFO, if you ask me.

8: Aaron Kelly: Archie’s miniature twin? I don’t know…it’s all just so preschool. I enjoyed that little segment where the others talked about him ten times
more than I enjoyed his actual performance…or, the pieces of it I actually paid attention to.

9: Andrew Garcia: Why, just WHY? Why that song and that arrangement  and that suuuuuuuper corny performance? ‘nuff said.

Remember the good ‘ol days when there was only one or two contestants fans dreaded?

Honestly, I watch primarily for Crystal, Siobhan, and now Lee, I guess. Sometimes Casey. Usually Katie, but only cuz I’ma hater who likes to constantly
complain about her. (tonight was an exception…twiiiiilight zone)

…i couldn’t sleep. this laughable excuse for a review happened.


Is my Siobhan/Crystal favoritism and Tim/Katie annoyance evident? hah.
Life's been so-so. The cousin and aunt are stuck here until the weekend, at least, which is both good and bad. I'd like to have some of my spring break to myself, but at the same time it's nice to have people to keep me entertained. I just hope everybody down in the homelands is okay/hope the earthquakes cease asap.
Getting rid of this cold would also be a plus in my life, but that's irrelevant.

It just happens every day

Someday I'll take the time to put together a blog post worth reading.

...Tonight is not that time.
Life's been good and bad and normal, and I'm as confused as ever as the world spins madly on...
College=I have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna end up doing

Things I've learned= Making plans is basically pointless.
Letting go can be pretty easy if you do it slowly.
Laughing really does relieve quite a bit of stress.
Caring what others think always brings you down, and blocking them out and continuing on feels amazing.
Never expect anything from anyone without a legitimate reason, and you will have hundrdeds more pleasant surprises.
I tend to have a completely different personality outside of the school gates.
I can be rediculously critical when watching American Idol or any similar singing shows.
I obsess over things and people like none other.
I am so blessed to have the couple of true friends, and I'd go completely insane if not for their presence.
Smiling despite the situation lets me go to bed with a clearer mind.
My dreams are psychotic.