I never promised there'd be sunshine every day

Hi blog-reading world,

It’s almost midnight and I’m about 3.5 seconds away from totally using my keyboard as a pillow…
What shall we talk about today…

There’s quite a bit going on, but isn’t there always according to me?

There was a good amount of drama going on around my house today. Honestly, I’m not even sure what happened, but I knew that my parents were arguing about something…and considering we were getting along so well yesterday morning, I was kind of confused. I assume it had something to do with my cousins/aunts (from my dad’s side), it usually does. I used to get along semi-fine with my dad’s side of the family, but that all changed when my aunt had her daughter. She basically became the favorite niece or whatever and they all stopped paying any attention to me. Personally I don’t really care anymore-I’m not gonna beg and plead for someone’s attention-but my mom and my dad’s family have never gotten along. I don’t know how much of it is in my mom’s mind and how much is real, but ever since my parents got married things started going downhill. My mom’s definitely the jealous type-in every possible sense of the word-so every time my dad tries to do something for my cousins when they visit from Mexico (take them out to eat, buy them food or something…) she freaks. She doesn’t think they respect my dad enough, and I guess that’s partly true, but I don’t know…it’s pretty complicated…

In other news… Do you ever feel like just letting someone walk out of your life? What if this person was your supposed best friend-the person you shared every single detail with once upon a time.. What if you feel like they left you behind when you most need them, is it okay to let them walk away then? I don’t think it is, so I don’t know what I’m doing right now…

At the start of eighth grade I felt like my world was literally crushing me, and that was when I met one of my best friends. We ‘clicked’ instantly, and she introduced me to her group of friends, and I was easily welcomed…and that was something I hadn’t experienced before at that school, so I thought that girl was pretty remarkable. Anyways, for the next 3 years or so we were almost inseparable. Although we went to different high schools, we hung out every week and talked daily. I felt like we almost knew everything about each other. We lived a 5-minute walking distance away from each other, so I was always there for her if she needed me and vice versa. We were (are) totally opposites. She was the non-really-school-focused party boy-crazy girl, and I was the advice-giving academic shy one. As corrupt as it seems, we kind of brought out the missing part in each other…and I was happy with that.
About a year ago she moved about two hours away. Little by little we drifted; we stopped calling each other all the time, and when we did, conversations were vague. She kept in tuch with other friends more than she did me, and I was hurt by that and distanced myself more instead of saying anything and trying to save our friendship, probably because I was so afraid of ruining our friendship all together. She started becoming a hookup kind of girl; she began drinking and stealing and she just stopped being the girl I loved. I was always there to listen to her when she messed up, I was the one on the other line comforting her and giving her advice and reassuring her that everything would be okay. In those moments I felt cared about and needed, and if I’m honest that’s partly the reason why I’ve hung on to the fading friendship for so long. Lately we’ve basically stopped talking..

There was no falling out or anything, I just stopped calling her and she did the same, but I still get a call once in a while during which she spills every problem to me and expects me to give her advice in return. I’m always more than willing to listen to someone-anyone-and give them advice about anything, or just listen to them, but when that person used to be such a good friend of mine, I kind of expect to be listened to in return, and that’s not happening. I don’t feel like I can tell her anything anymore; I don’t think she really knows who I am, and I really don’t like it. Everytime I try to talk about my life with her she has an excuse to get off the phone or she somehow turns it into something about her. I don’t want to let go of this friendship, so I don’t really know what I should do… I hate being mean and I’ve avoided confronting her about any of this for the most part… Maybe I should? Who knows…

Hi, umm…it’s like 12:30 now, that was a nice nap…

There’s so much more I want to write and need to write…maybe I’ll start a new blog if I can’t sleep.
I seriously can no longer focus… Kate Voegele’s playing in the background and she has a tendency to distract me..yeah…that’s my excuse. And I have an annoying fever/sore throat//headache…some of my friends have tenderly taken to calling in the Swine Flu. I’m loved. Ha.
But in seriousness…I do feel like I am, by a few amazing people; I hope you know who you are.
And there’s a pretty good chance you will be talked about in the next blog (that I may write tonight…), but now I have to go find some medicine..and edit and post this.
Xx


PS: I appologize for the boringness of this blog...it's late.