Are we Denying A Crisis or Are We Scared of Admitting It?

Throughly confused...
and a little bit over-tired

There's a lot i wanna write, and some stories I want to tell...but it's too late and thinking straight is currently out of the question.

But I can't sleep.
It's winter break...it's been one day and I already feel rediculously unproductive. Don't get me wrong, part of me loves not having shit to do, but...idk, I feel so useless here trapped at home 24-7

I just got off Skype. Skype is always a nice escape from reality. It's pretty sad how well the skype girls know me...ten times better than my real-life friends. Part of me wonders if I'd be friends with any of them had we met in person first...but i'd rather just be happy to have then in my life, and not dwell on that.

I feel like i'm in a tangle of emotions. i'm so confused. I'm so tired of trying to please everybody..of trying to sugar-coat things and push down my real feelings, so that another person won't feel hurt or offended. I don't like to lie and say that I'm fine with things when i'm not, but it's better than the alternative...and it's better than just saying 'I don't know, I honestly have no idea what I want right now.' I hate putting on fake smiles...i hate when people hide things, emotions, feelings, from me, and i'm doing just that...but the truth only hurts more, right? :/ UGHHH
On the other hand, i'm feeling so happy and blessed. I love this time of year so so so much-the gatherings and people i haven't seen in such a long time. The holiday music everywhere. Getting to get all creative and focus way too much attention of carefully detailed gifts for people.

For the most part, things are better than I could ask for. And those that aren't? Well...those only bother me when i actually think about them, which doesn't happen as often as it id before, so i'm good.
Despite trivial things, i'm quite fabulous, actually. And I can't stop yawning, so, goodnight :)