'Cause I Won't Embrace You to Fabricate You

"I know how you feel. And I also know how it must make you feel when I say that. Because the truth is, what you’re probably thinking right now is that I
don’t know how you feel. But I do. Does that make sense? To be clearer, I know how it feels to wake up and to think that there’s no point in getting dressed
or eating breakfast. I know how it feels to do bad things to yourself, to destroy your outsides and insides, trying to kill something that is a part of
you, not knowing why, but still doing it, and then hating yourself for doing it and doing it again to punish yourself. I know what’s it’s like to feel
confused about who you are and what’s happening with your mind, body, and heart: to have up days and down days. I know what it’s like to know that there
are people who probably do have it worse than you do but to still feel self-pity and to still hate your life and yourself and everyone around you and then
hating yourself for thinking those thoughts. My point is, I know. I know how you feel. I do. I’ve been through all this and more and continue to go through
it. My advice would be to find people who feel the same way that you do and help them with their problems. I find that making other people happy, and showing
other people that I’m there for them always makes me feel better. I like to know that by saying one word or smiling for a quick second or writing, “Have
a nice day” on a post-it note I’ve changed someone’s life. I could be the reason that someone’s life is made or scathed. And so could you. Just know that
you have to be the change that you want to see. Things aren’t going to just change as much as you wish they would. Make someone else’s day every day, do
something good for the world, stop worrying so much about yourself, and soon enough your life will change for the better, too. If you help people, people
will help you. It’s how the world works. Give a little or a lot and people will do the same. I know it seems hard. At first, I thought it would be hard
to stop concentrating on myself so much. But knowing that someone else has a smile on their face because of your actions, it’s magic. It starts something
inside of you: a revolution. So that’s my advice to you. Do one kind thing each day, make a different. Soon you’ll see the results. I promise. :)"

...Thank you, for beating me to putting my current feelings into words.
I think I've found my new New Year's resolution.
I'm so tired of writing 'fml' and :/ and all those pity-me little things...even though I know i'm not the only person with a good life that has pity-me moments...dwelling on how much things suck, sticking to those negative moments-it does nothing. It doesn't make things better, it doesn't make the crappy situations and circumstances go away, it just makes one dwell...it instills in someone a stronger feeling of something-I don't know, hate? Anger? Depression? I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I know it's not a good feeling.

It's not something I want to feel, and it's not something I would want others to feel.
Making someone laugh, smile, helping someone-any of that-there's no better feeling in the world ot me. It makes me feel useful, wanted, needed, like I actually have a purpose, like the day wasn't wasted. I've always said that my goal in life is to impact someone's life for the better. I don't know who, or how, I just know that knowing I've changed people's lives for the better will make me feel accomplished.

I don't focus many of my beliefs on religion, but i do like to think that we are put on earth to make some sort of difference...I want to make sure I do that.

...And I know I don't have the capacity to do that if I can't see the good stuff in my own life, and there is a lot, so might as well emprace it.
I don't know where i'm going with this blog post.
I just want to let go...and float, with a smile. I want to wake up and just not care about the non-important people. I want to accept things as they are, and know they could be better, but could also be much worse. I don't want to dwell on unfortunate happenings-things that make me sad or mad, because honestly, a few moments of happiness tend to leave much more of an impact on me when compared to hours of hopelessness. It's not worth my time anymore.
I always try to give people 'glass half full' outlooks in their situations, and I think it's time I do it for myself.

There are a ton of things that aren't perfect right now. People i'm mad at, not too happy with, that I feel hurt by, but I see no point in wasting minutes upon hours thinking about what they did or said, it's so pointless and achieves absolutely nothing. I'm scared about colleges, my parents are well, my parents, and school is well...school,
but,

I'll find a way to go to some college, and as long as I'm still in school, I will be doing something, and that's better than nothing at all. And, let's be honest, I have a pair of incredible parents, despite things that we don't agree on, things I don't get about them and things they may never understand about me. and school, well, it'll be over soon enough. yay

I like that rule, the one about saying something you're thankful for daily...it helps keep one grounded, I guess. I especially like the random act of kindness one-about doing something for someone else daily. It may be partially the holiday spirit kicking in, but not completely. I think one of the things i get most excited about when it comes to this time of year is gift shopping for my familia and friends...because making other people happy is kind of awesome. Getting gifts is fun too...but giving wins in my book.

HELLOOOOOOO corny times ten blog post!!
But whatever

I had a good day. I had a pretty fantabulous day, actually.
Some hard-core Christmas shopping with mama, goofing off with dad and brother, amazing friends, good good great music...it was just one of those go to bed with a smile days...

And two weeks of schoolless life to ensue, and I have semi-plans for not being stuck at home all the time, so I'm excited for mindless study-less time.

...this blog turned out differently from what I expected...