You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance

So I'm not gonna lie and just come out and say it: I'm jealous of you. Really jealous.

I hate being jealous of people...and I hate admitting it, because it's not really a feeling to be proud of, but what the hell...I guess writing this isn't really admitting it persay, but...

I'm jealous of a lot of things about you. I know you don't have the perfect life, and it's not fair for me to be feeling this way...but I do, and I really can't make it stop. I'm jealous of a lot of relationships you have with people...but most of all, I'm jealous of how close you are with her.

I know you're not close enough for me to really be jealous...and there's no reason for me to be, really, because you don't want what I want with her, but still...you are so much closer to her than I probably ever will, and truthfully, i just don't like it.
Sometimes I think of how great it would be to have you as a closer friend...for a variety of reasons. You are genuine and smart and a sweet person who always is there for people, but that's only part of it. It'd also give me a way to get closer to her...it's completely messed up, I know. But, I just want to feel like I stand a chance...I don't know if that would make things better or worse, but i just want to feel that. i know i'll never actually have a chance, for an assortment of reasons, but i want that illusion...


and, still..ewiojh.
Is it completely rediculous to say that i feel this way, while at the same time, i'm still not over the last person i was with...she still manages to draw me in with just one comment or text or adorable antic...and, UGHHH. i'm not over her, and i hate liking more than one person at once. This sucks, the end.


I want to be happy with how things are now, and i'm not, and i really don't like it.